Friday, July 1, 2011

I'm missing the Cricket Dance!

We all have our own mechanisims to deal with heart-ache. But why is it such a shock to our systems and how does it have the ability to hurt and destroy us? It all stems from our idea of what love is.

Being lonley was my big hang up. Growing up we always lived in secluded locations and I guess that made me feel like I needed more attention. For me, it was never even the big things, it was the little things, the details. Maybe he bought me a piece of my favorite chocolate, or he rubbed my feet without me asking or said, "honey don't cook, let's go out to eat."

Unexpected pleasures. It's like when you were small and your daddy went to the store and you said, "Get me a suprise!" Oh, the bliss of cracker jacks and mary janes.

Don't get me wrong, the big things are nice too. But for me, I thought those things were rolled into the marriage vows and were a given.You know, love, honor and obey. It's not for some people. They can break those vows like match sticks. It was the small quirky things that brought me down after he left.

Now, we all have our rituals and strange little habits that are endearing to us. The thing I missed most after the break up was "the cricket dance." Don't laugh. It wasn't an actual dance.
 Every night in bed my feet would always be hurting or cold. So, he would take his feet and rub mine up and down and massage them with his dexterious toes. It was wonderful, so I dubbed it the cricket dance. Crickets wern't so dumb after all! It became a mating ritual of sorts. It worked. It was our thing.
{Maybe we're not so different from insects after all.}
Cricket dance became a secret code  word of sorts.
You know, your husband is in the romantic mode  and the kids are underfoot . After missing his eye movements to follow him, he desperately whispers among dog growls and squealing kids."Honey, can we the cricket dance?"
The kids or company never thought twice. They thought it was some new funky dance move.
 There are lot's of things we do as couples that complete us. To others it may sound foolish or silly but sometimes they are the hardest to let go. It was months before I could look at horses because he loved them so.
Now, most of my ghost are gone. My memories of him locked away inside my mind. It's part of my healing to let go. What kinds of things were hard for you to get over?